Why Not Take All Of Me?

Why do people want either me or my sexuality…can’t it be both?

Okay, I know I must come across as sex-starved (well I am, but that’s beside the point), but there really is more to my personality than just that.

I was thinking the other day, I have four men in my life that I’ve shared some very personal stuff with…and yet I can’t seem to get a complete and satisfying relationship with any of them!  How is that even possible?

For your consideration…

Man A:  We’re in sync about so much, sexually and emotionally and we talk tons everyday.  But he’s a bit older.  Oh,  and he lives in another province.  And is in the middle of getting divorced.

Man B:  My on again off again crush.  Who knows all about my naughty writing (and likes it!) and has been the inspiration for quite a few stories.  But he is married with two awesome kids (I don’t know if I could handle the guilt).  And works with my husband.

Man C:  He’s younger than me and super sexual.  Okay, quite a bit younger…like early 20’s younger.  He has that enthusiasm that only a boy with a brand new toy can have.  But I don’t know if he’d really be able to connect with me on any other level.  Oh, and did I mention he’s gorgeous?

Man D:  My Mentor is fantastic, sexy, fun and gets me off like no one else has.  And more importantly, he has taught me so much about myself in just a few months.  But he has a longtime vanilla girlfriend and is always really busy with just ‘regular life’ stuff.  I think I want more from him, but I know he can’t give it to me…so I try not to think about it.  I mean, we’ve never really been even out on a date (is that what I would even call it?).

All of this intrigue is strangely unsatisfying.  Is it so bad to want everything?  I want to be able to phone up and whisper ‘I need you’ and be fucked senseless.  I want sex more than once a month.  I want to go to dinner and a movie.  I want to know what goes on inside his head.  I want him to want me as much as I want him…or them, whatever.

See, this is why I need more than one distraction!  No one can satisfy me!



  1. Daniel Said:

    Hello again,

    Something frightens me in your list. you say you have four men in your life. Yet none of these men is your actual husband. Are things really that bad?

    There is a saying that to be happy a women should know five different men..; and of course, none of them should know about any of the others… lol

    just a thought….


    • Yup, it’s that bad.

      Since he isn’t any part of my sexual self, he didn’t make the list. I’ve come to realize that I can’t ignore my sexuality if I want to be a complete, healthy and happy person.

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