Being Brave


Anais Nin wrote, “And the day came when the risk to remain in a tight bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Wise woman.

I’m becoming restless again.  It’s happened before and I know it will happen again.  In the past I’ve done different things to jump-start myself…the first time I contacted an old boyfriend just to see what would happen, another lull prompted me to start writing short erotic stories, and the last time is how I ended up with this blog.

But I don’t feel like I’m truly blossoming.  More like I’ve just poked my head out of the dirt and peered around.  And maybe even gone back into hibernation a little.

A few months ago I was excited for every day.  Knowing I’d be learning something about my new, more sensual self, made me glow.  Like a had a secret that was just for me.  But I’m stagnant again.  Can I really be so jaded already?

I know that a big part of it is that I’ve had a taste of living a sexual life again.  But that’s all it was, a taste.  And it’s not enough for me.  But right now my hands are tied (and personally, I’d prefer it if my wrists were bound…but that’s a whole other issue!)

A friend of mine, actually my old professor, surprised me the other day by announcing that she quit her job to write full time.  I’m so proud of her!  Now that’s being brave.  Throwing caution to the wind to work towards your dream.

I could never do that.  I’d spend all my time fretting about the mortgage payment instead of concentrating on writing.  And yet, I know if I want to make my dream of publishing a novel come true I have to start doing things differently.  But how?  And what?

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