Photo Shoot

The other day I realized that ‘my secret self’ collection of photographs on this blog are about a year old, old enough to  need updating. But then I wondered why I have still even have them?

When my friend did the photo shoot for me last year, I felt like I was embarking on a journey and I wanted to document it.  I had started this blog, finally posted my short stories in public and was actively trying to rediscover my long dormant sexuality.

There had only been one other time that I willingly allowed someone to take pictures of me…and that was when I was young and stupid!  Normally, I’m not photogenic and don’t like having my picture taken…I mean, who wants to be captured for all eternity looking like a goof at a party?  But these?  These I liked.  They were subtle, but raw and expressed what I couldn’t.

At first I thought deciding to keep them online for you dear readers to stumble upon was for my own vanity.  And yet, after a while I realized it wasn’t vanity at all.  It was more about reminding myself that there are lots of different types of beauty.  And no matter how difficult, demeaning or destructive a place you find yourself in, you need to remind yourself everyday that you are beautiful, even when you’re surrounded by ugliness.

So I find myself once again in the position of wanting to document my journey.  I know so much more about my secret self now and what I want.  So I want this photo shoot to reflect that, to be instructional:  kiss me here, taste me here, fuck me here, suck me here, put your lips here, whisper to me here…

Now if I could only find a discreet photographer for this project…

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