Sharing Is Bad

I think I was played today.

I met a really nice guy through FetLife, D.  He happened to E-mail me on a really bad day a few weeks ago and I answered with a somewhat jaded response.  But to my surprise we really hit it off.  I wouldn’t usually complain to a complete stranger that I was having problems handling my husband’s increasingly difficult behaviour, but I had to get it out and he was willing to listen.  It turned out he knew more about bipolar behaviour than most, his mother was bipolar.

We started E-mailing everyday and made arrangements to meet last Saturday.  I was excited.  He seemed perfect for me.  Funny, handsome and he could understand my situation.

Our plans fell through.  I got worried when I didn’t hear from him early in the day (as you can imagine, I have to make some pretty detailed excuses to get out), and ended up cancelling so my husband wouldn’t be suspicious when I started wandering the house in a fancy dress and constantly checking my E-mail.

We decided to try again this week-end.  I was even willing to go to his place (usually a no-no for me on the first date) for board games and conversation (a perfect evening).  And it would be easier since my husband would be at work when I was scheduled to leave.

Thursday he sent me his address and Friday morning I answered, asking where I should park and where he wanted to meet (we had decided to meet in public across the street first).  Later that day I E-mailed again to confirm I was going to the right place since I had never been to that area of town before.  By the time I got home from work there was still no message from D.  No matter, I was really happy that we were finally meeting in person.

Unfortunately when my husband came home yesterday, I opened the front door to find him crying, telling me he didn’t know how much longer he could go on like this.  It broke my heart.  This is always a terrible time of year for him, but we usually manage to get through it.  I didn’t know what to do.

So at 9:00 pm I sent D another message, asking for advice.  After all, he knew what it was like to see someone go through this.  And I still wanted to see him (and I know that makes me sound like a terrible, thoughtless person, but sometimes I need support too), but I also was worried that my situation might hit too close to home and make him uncomfortable.

If anything, now is when I need someone, some companionship, something to distract me.  Does that make me an awful person?  Knowing this, do you still even want to see me?  Should we still meet as planned or should we try and meet earlier in the day so I can be here when he gets home?  If we met under these circumstances would it taint everything for you?

I waited up until 1:00 am for him to respond, but there was nothing.  I finally went to bed, sure there would be in the morning, but when I got up, nothing.

Around lunchtime I E-mailed again to ask if we were still on, but he never answered.

What a fool I was to share something so private and hope for something that might be just for me.


  1. drn Said:

    wish I lived closer to you..

    • Actually, it turned out to be a good thing that I didn’t go out. My husband got in an accident, thankfully he wasn’t hurt, but at least I was home when it happened so he was able to get a hold of me.

      • Anonymous Said:

        I hope all is well…

      • He’s okay, but we’re down a vehicle for a while…

  2. Anonymous Said:

    so.. I tried adding you to my chat favorites, but you have not accepted. I’d love to talk with you ;)

    • Sorry, but I only use E-mail, not IM. My E-mail address is on the site if you want to send a private message.

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